Undue Whining
Tuesday, August 18th, 2009For a moment I’ll pretend I’m due my moment of whining, and unload what’s weighing me down.
A lot of things really. For one, the ever present feeling of midlife crisis: the watching of life fading before my eyes and knowing I’ll never have it back again. I’m dealing with that, but it’s always there nonetheless.
For many months now (years?) I’ve gone without good rest. This is partly my fault as I should have known better to quit playing games late into the night and actually go to bed. What I had counted on was my body recuperating at the rate it did when I was younger, and that’s not happening. Especially with allergy problems.
Until recent years I had almost forgotten just how much they bothered me. These days I barely feel like I’m getting any rest at all, and my right nostril feels like I’m breathing through socks; very congested.
That alone leaves me feeling depressed (lack of sleep grants that wonderful euphoric feeling), but then combined with a poor diet (not enough veggies) a lack of proper exercise (feeling like crap isn’t granting me the encouragement to exert more energy) and …
phft … I’m feeling much too lazy to even finish that sentence. Point is, I’m just wore out. Physically and emotionally.
My memory sucks, and I feel like a blithering idiot when I forget which road I live off of. I can recall days long past when I woke up feeling refreshed and my mind was razor sharp. I knew I was going to get old and feebleminded, but I just didn’t realize it was going to come so soon.
Yesterday was definitely a Monday. The gremlins were about at work and I received news that my decade+ old cat was crunched to death by a dog that was being looked after since it’s owners left.
I feel bad for my mother. She came upon my cat as she screamed in agony trying to get away, mangled by a dog that was attempting to catch cats from day one.
I was the moron who didn’t insist the dog be given away. Had I known that the dog was actually encouraged to catch and kill cats by it’s previous caretakers, I would hope that I would have taken her with me.
It’s not so strange, but it was more than just my cat that died yesterday. I suppose it was the last of my youth as well, as she’s been with me in the tough times of self-discovery, and the moments when I needed a good head butt. There were many of those.
This isn’t much of a tribute to her, but I’m not in much of a mood to attempt creativity. Really, I’d just like some sleep. Then a good shower, and then more sleep. Repeat for a few days, and then perhaps a day at the beach. I dunno.
Depression sucks.
